Tuesday, May 6, 2014
Christopher the artist...
Christopher is a great artist and he was sitting at the kitchen table the other day and he wanted to draw. He started telling his sisters that he wanted to draw Donald Duck for them. Joy said that she didn't really like Donald Duck that much and Grace was just staring at him with an odd look on her face. Catherine likes it when he draws stuff for her, but he had all these intentions and so I suggested that maybe he could make pictures and write Get Well messages on them and I'd send them to the Children's Hospital. He immediately yelled out "Yeah, because I am a good artist and I can make people feel better!" He drew for awhile and got tired and he came to me and asked me "Can I give the kids some of my toys so they aren't bored in the hospital? Or can I give them my allowance?" I told him that I appreciated his heart but I didn't know about any of that and so I'd have to look it up, but maybe the kids could make donations to a jar and then at the end of the year, we could send in their donation to help the kids. He smiled so big and I was so proud of him at that moment in showing his sweet side.
Sunday, May 4, 2014
Confession and the park
Christopher makes his first communion next weekend so I took him to church to go to confession. Joy said she had some things that she needed to go for and so she asked to come with us. I asked them both if they had to use the bathroom before we went. Both said no. So, we got to church and get in line and it's Christopher's turn to go to confession so he goes in with the priest. Not 2 minutes later, he comes bounding out of the confessional and yells to me "Mom, I've gotta go to the bathroom really bad!" Joy goes to take his place in the confessional and he's yelling at her "you have to wait until I get back from the bathroom!" I motion for her to go anyway as he's not holding up the line until he uses the bathroom as there were a lot of people in line. I'm trying to get him to hurry so that he can slip back in line before his sister comes out of the confessional, but he started messing around. Finally get back in there and Joy is out already and so I had to ask one of the ladies if he could slip back into line to finish his confession. Thankfully, she didn't mind at all! How embarrassing! I kept wondering "has this ever happened to anyone else before?" Anyway, I'm just glad he was able to finish his confession and he's all set for his 1st communion next weekend!
We took a little ride last night and found a little park for the kids to go play at. It was fun to sit on the swing bench with hubby and watch the kids run and play. All I kept thinking was how far the kids have come. When Joy came to us, at 3 years old, she wouldn't play on the playground equipment for anything. She'd sit in the dirt and play. She will play on everything now, although she still sits and plays in the dirt sometimes too. She really doesn't like her feet leaving the ground for long, but oh how far she's come! And Grace was running all over the place! How far she's come since she came to us at 23 months and wouldn't ever leave my side! She was the one that we worried about as she wouldn't explore her environment and now she's running and climbing all over the park! Christopher has never had any issues as he loves to run, spin, and jump, but it was still fun to watch him as Daddy pushed him on the tire swing and he was spinning all over! Catherine loves to be outside as well so she was just eating that all up! We took them out for ice cream after that and had a great time!
We took a little ride last night and found a little park for the kids to go play at. It was fun to sit on the swing bench with hubby and watch the kids run and play. All I kept thinking was how far the kids have come. When Joy came to us, at 3 years old, she wouldn't play on the playground equipment for anything. She'd sit in the dirt and play. She will play on everything now, although she still sits and plays in the dirt sometimes too. She really doesn't like her feet leaving the ground for long, but oh how far she's come! And Grace was running all over the place! How far she's come since she came to us at 23 months and wouldn't ever leave my side! She was the one that we worried about as she wouldn't explore her environment and now she's running and climbing all over the park! Christopher has never had any issues as he loves to run, spin, and jump, but it was still fun to watch him as Daddy pushed him on the tire swing and he was spinning all over! Catherine loves to be outside as well so she was just eating that all up! We took them out for ice cream after that and had a great time!
Saturday, May 3, 2014
A behavior blip and a flute,,,
I had to take Christopher to the doctor today to get his goose egg rechecked. He got released to go back to P.E. and recess, but she didn't want him doing any climbing or dodge ball or anything like that where he had the potential to fall or get hit in the head and reinjure himself. We proceeded after the appointment to go to Wal-mart. He was being really good, until we got to the checkout line. He wanted a huge sucker and since he just had one at the doctor's office, I said he couldn't have one. He immediately started getting angry and making growling noises and heavy sighs. He tried running off on me once and I got him and brought him back. I was praying that he wasn't going to knock the candy rack over as he had that look in his eyes and I was praying that we'd get through the line super fast to avoid a scene. A friend found us and I told her that he was mad as she tried to talk to him. We had ran into her a couple of times that day around town. We were in the express lane and she had more groceries than that, so she went in another lane to check out. I made it through the checkout process and we went out to the car. I had him by the hand as I didn't want him to run off on me and he kept yanking on me and almost pulled me over. We got in the van and he proceeded to yell at me as loud as he could and chucked a booster seat at me. He refused to get his seatbelt on, so I had to crawl back there and get him in. Started driving home and he told me how I was the rudest mother ever and how Catherine gets anything that she wants. I told him that is not true, but he already had a sucker for the day, he didn't need another one. I don't like giving them a bunch of candy as it makes them extra hyper and they already have a lot of energy with their ADHD. He proceeded to tell me that he hated being in this family and how I was rude. He grabbed yet another booster seat and launched it my way. I told him that's not a safe thing to do when we're driving down the road. I told him when we got home he was going up to his room and that would get him away from the family and give him a chance to cool down.
After about 30 minutes of being in his room, I went up to talk to him. I told him that none of my children get whatever they want and that I love him, but he can't always get everything that he wants when he wants it. I asked him if rude moms took their birthday boys to Medieval Times for their birthdays, or brought them all over trying to get them help, and advocated for them at school or bent over backwards for their kids. He shook his head no and said that he was just really mad. I told him that I understood that and then we had a talk about acceptable things to do when we are angry that don't include throwing things at people (especially when driving) and stuff like that. We gave hugs and we went downstairs to eat lunch. The rest of the day went fine thankfully.
The girls came home after school and Grace had been on a field trip. She came in with a wooden flute and proceeded to tell me that since she didn't bring any money and really wanted a flute another person's mom that was in her group, bought it for her. Joy immediate said "don't you think that if you knew that you were going to the gift shop, you could have asked Mom for some of your allowance money to bring?" I was glad that Joy realized that we don't need to ask others for things that we want. I talked with Grace a little bit about how even if she didn't have the money and she wanted something that it was wrong of her to ask another parent for the money to buy it. It's one thing if a parent offers to buy all the kids in her group something, but that should be a parents decision...I told her I thought it was rude of her to ask. She's always had issues when it comes to strangers...she'd sit on their laps, ask them for things...tell them anything and everything. We keep having to remind her that we don't do those things. It drives me crazy!
After about 30 minutes of being in his room, I went up to talk to him. I told him that none of my children get whatever they want and that I love him, but he can't always get everything that he wants when he wants it. I asked him if rude moms took their birthday boys to Medieval Times for their birthdays, or brought them all over trying to get them help, and advocated for them at school or bent over backwards for their kids. He shook his head no and said that he was just really mad. I told him that I understood that and then we had a talk about acceptable things to do when we are angry that don't include throwing things at people (especially when driving) and stuff like that. We gave hugs and we went downstairs to eat lunch. The rest of the day went fine thankfully.
The girls came home after school and Grace had been on a field trip. She came in with a wooden flute and proceeded to tell me that since she didn't bring any money and really wanted a flute another person's mom that was in her group, bought it for her. Joy immediate said "don't you think that if you knew that you were going to the gift shop, you could have asked Mom for some of your allowance money to bring?" I was glad that Joy realized that we don't need to ask others for things that we want. I talked with Grace a little bit about how even if she didn't have the money and she wanted something that it was wrong of her to ask another parent for the money to buy it. It's one thing if a parent offers to buy all the kids in her group something, but that should be a parents decision...I told her I thought it was rude of her to ask. She's always had issues when it comes to strangers...she'd sit on their laps, ask them for things...tell them anything and everything. We keep having to remind her that we don't do those things. It drives me crazy!
Friday, May 2, 2014
A field trip funny...
Grace is getting ready for her field trip today. They earn their shirts throughout the year and then each class is given their own color shirt and the whole school has the same design, just different colors. Anyway, I thought hers was the red and so she puts it on and it's too long so we bunny tail it. She hands me her folder to check and I notice there is a field trip reminder form in there saying "don't forget to wear your yellow shirt." I said "oh, you're shirt is the yellow one." She says "yeah, I know." Umm, "sweetie look at what color shirt you have on." She again says "yeah, I know." At this point, she's still not really picking up on the fact that she's got the wrong shirt on. I told her I must have put Christopher's shirt on her and we need to change her shirt and she says "oooohhhh!." I'm just glad that I saw the note before she went to school...lol.
Wednesday, April 30, 2014
A difficult day with ADHD
I don't know if part of it is that Joy isn't on her full dose of ADHD meds right now or if school is just too much for her or if it's a combination of both, but wow is she mouthy, bossy, destructive, and anything I try and talk to her about I just get smirked at or giggled at. Regardless, of what it is she doesn't like the consequences and is choosing to act out more which got her sent to bed a little early tonight.
She came home from school today and told me that she learned that kids in Virginia can get married at age 10. I told her that nobody is ready for marriage at 10 years old and asked her what else she learned at school today. She said that she didn't know. She's doing awful in school and although she tries hard, she has definitely got a learning order of some sort. She's been acting out a little more this year and we give her some grace there as we understand where it's coming from...she's totally overwhelmed with school and doesn't get it at all. It's hard to see her struggle so hard and we give her As and Bs for her efforts as she does try hard most of the time. However, I will not give grace for a child who is being disrespectful and so I had to give her consequences today. I hate doing it. Anyway, later at dinner she told Hubby all about how they learned about budgets today at school and said that she remembered us talking about our budget. We were able to talk to her for a little bit before she totally lost her focus and moved the conversation elsewhere.
I asked her to help pick up tonight and every other second she was telling me she was done. I'd look and there were still toys everywhere. Half the time, she was walking on them and yet she was still telling me that she was done. I tried to make it simpler for her and told her what to pick up first and where to put it, and then I'd catch her sitting there playing instead. Then, she started with crazy questions where she was asking things that she could plainly see the answers too. I told her that I wasn't playing that game when she knew the answer, but if she had a real question that I'd be glad to answer her. She'd ask the silly question and then laugh and all she was trying to do was pull me into it and I wasn't budging. After awhile, thankfully she realized that she wasn't going to get me to answer the silly questions but that I still expected her to do her chores and she finally finished up the chore and quit asking crazy questions. She'd look up from time to time to make sure that I was still sitting there to watch her.
I'm taking another adoptive parent's challenge for the month of May and we started doing meditations tonight with the help of youtube and singing positive songs and so forth. She got smirky and wanted to distract the other kids. I had to keep redirecting her back to being quiet so as not to disturb the others. I'm trying everything that I can or that I come across to try and help them build self-confidence, work on focus, control temper tantrums, deal with anger and anxiety, and work on better focus and concentration...I let her smirkiness get to me and it hurt. I just want to help them. I'm not giving up...we are going to do this and give it more time. I just need to pray about it and let go of my frustration. Joy needs prayer to get through the remainder of school. And I am hoping that tomorrow when she gets back on the right dosage of ADHD meds that it will be a better day.
She came home from school today and told me that she learned that kids in Virginia can get married at age 10. I told her that nobody is ready for marriage at 10 years old and asked her what else she learned at school today. She said that she didn't know. She's doing awful in school and although she tries hard, she has definitely got a learning order of some sort. She's been acting out a little more this year and we give her some grace there as we understand where it's coming from...she's totally overwhelmed with school and doesn't get it at all. It's hard to see her struggle so hard and we give her As and Bs for her efforts as she does try hard most of the time. However, I will not give grace for a child who is being disrespectful and so I had to give her consequences today. I hate doing it. Anyway, later at dinner she told Hubby all about how they learned about budgets today at school and said that she remembered us talking about our budget. We were able to talk to her for a little bit before she totally lost her focus and moved the conversation elsewhere.
I asked her to help pick up tonight and every other second she was telling me she was done. I'd look and there were still toys everywhere. Half the time, she was walking on them and yet she was still telling me that she was done. I tried to make it simpler for her and told her what to pick up first and where to put it, and then I'd catch her sitting there playing instead. Then, she started with crazy questions where she was asking things that she could plainly see the answers too. I told her that I wasn't playing that game when she knew the answer, but if she had a real question that I'd be glad to answer her. She'd ask the silly question and then laugh and all she was trying to do was pull me into it and I wasn't budging. After awhile, thankfully she realized that she wasn't going to get me to answer the silly questions but that I still expected her to do her chores and she finally finished up the chore and quit asking crazy questions. She'd look up from time to time to make sure that I was still sitting there to watch her.
I'm taking another adoptive parent's challenge for the month of May and we started doing meditations tonight with the help of youtube and singing positive songs and so forth. She got smirky and wanted to distract the other kids. I had to keep redirecting her back to being quiet so as not to disturb the others. I'm trying everything that I can or that I come across to try and help them build self-confidence, work on focus, control temper tantrums, deal with anger and anxiety, and work on better focus and concentration...I let her smirkiness get to me and it hurt. I just want to help them. I'm not giving up...we are going to do this and give it more time. I just need to pray about it and let go of my frustration. Joy needs prayer to get through the remainder of school. And I am hoping that tomorrow when she gets back on the right dosage of ADHD meds that it will be a better day.
Life is never boring around here.
I can't say that life is ever boring around here, that's for sure. Catherine tends to get hyper and naughty when she is tired, however she doesn't take naps much anymore. The above picture is her playing nicely before we left for Bible Study this morning. We came home this afternoon and she decided to put yogurt all over the dog! Little stinker that she is. I had to turn my head and hide my laughter. I wiped the dog off with a baby wipe and got her semi-cleaned off. I guess she will be getting a full bath later.
The goose egg...
I was heading with Catherine to go do child-care for the leaders meeting at BSF (Bible Study Fellowship...go look it up online...this is our 2nd study and they are awesome) yesterday morning. Anyway, just as I was about to get to the road that the church is located on, I got a phone call from the school. Christopher had gotten hurt and had a pretty good sized knot on the back of his head and she felt like he needed to come home and be watched at home. I had my father-in-law come to the house to stay with Catherine while I went and picked up Christopher at school. The knot was pretty large and he said that he felt dazed and like he was going to pass out. The school nurse felt like I'd be ok just watching it at home, but he's my child that never acts sick until something happens and so I just felt safer taking him to get checked out.
We headed to the hospital and the nurse practitioner checked him out. She said that they don't do CT scans anymore on children unless it's absolutely necessary and since he appeared to be doing ok, she just wanted me to have him rest and stay low-key for the next 7-10 days so he avoided another injury and we'd just treat him as if he had a concussion to be on the safe side. He is my active child and so I knew that was going to be the challenge. She didn't want him running or jumping or in any sort of P.E. or recess. That's laughable as he has sensory processing disorder and is desperately seeking input, but I realize that they don't know him either. All we can do is our best to keep him occupied and somewhat sedentary. She left to get his discharge insructions together and he figured out that he was getting attention for acting crazy from the nurses and so he decided to do it all the more. Nevermind, we had someone next to us in a pretty good amount of pain. The more I asked him to calm down, the more amped up he'd get. I was so embarrassed and ready to get out of there.
He came home and we iced his head as much as possible and tried to redirect him when he was getting too active to things that he could do that were somewhat more low key. I finally decided to give him a massage with essential oils to try and get him to calm down somewhat and it was semi-successful. I used some Deep Blue essential oil with his massage as that one goes after inflammation. I was hoping it would reduce the size of his goose egg. This morning, it had gone down quite significantly and he said that it was feeling a little better. I'm going to reapply it tonight I think before he goes to bed. We have to follow-up with the pediatrician on Friday for him to determine when he can go back to P.E. and recess.
We headed to the hospital and the nurse practitioner checked him out. She said that they don't do CT scans anymore on children unless it's absolutely necessary and since he appeared to be doing ok, she just wanted me to have him rest and stay low-key for the next 7-10 days so he avoided another injury and we'd just treat him as if he had a concussion to be on the safe side. He is my active child and so I knew that was going to be the challenge. She didn't want him running or jumping or in any sort of P.E. or recess. That's laughable as he has sensory processing disorder and is desperately seeking input, but I realize that they don't know him either. All we can do is our best to keep him occupied and somewhat sedentary. She left to get his discharge insructions together and he figured out that he was getting attention for acting crazy from the nurses and so he decided to do it all the more. Nevermind, we had someone next to us in a pretty good amount of pain. The more I asked him to calm down, the more amped up he'd get. I was so embarrassed and ready to get out of there.
He came home and we iced his head as much as possible and tried to redirect him when he was getting too active to things that he could do that were somewhat more low key. I finally decided to give him a massage with essential oils to try and get him to calm down somewhat and it was semi-successful. I used some Deep Blue essential oil with his massage as that one goes after inflammation. I was hoping it would reduce the size of his goose egg. This morning, it had gone down quite significantly and he said that it was feeling a little better. I'm going to reapply it tonight I think before he goes to bed. We have to follow-up with the pediatrician on Friday for him to determine when he can go back to P.E. and recess.
Monday, April 28, 2014
Schooling
School has brought many challenges to my littles. Since it's hard to get respite with everyone needing background checks and having to have the space and all that fun stuff, we had our littles start attending Mother's Day Out. The first year they just went one day a week. Grace struggled big time with separation anxiety. Christopher was constantly running down the hall and asking the other kids for their food. Even though we made sure to pack him a big enough lunch. The second year, they went twice a week. That went a little bit better, but they also learned to pull their behaviors in during the day when they were at MDO and it would all come flying out the minute they got in the van for me. The break was nice, but I paid for it so to speak.
Since they had their history with being in foster care, they were able to go to our public school pre-k program. Joy struggled with some learning in there and I let the teacher know that we had been working on this stuff in occupational therapy for quite some time. She just required a lot of repetition to learn things. We got her on her ADHD medicine and her behaviors got a little better although she continued to get in trouble on a regular basis. Once their adoption happened as well, she really seemed to calm down. Her teacher said to me one day "it's almost like she just really needed to know that you were telling her the truth and once she saw that she was indeed getting her forever family, she just seemed to calm down." She still had the occasional blip with behavior, but it wasn't anything like it had been. Christopher was very smart, but he developed a lot of behavioral issues and the teacher was concerned about the level of agression that he exhibited and his lack of boundaries. I continued to let her know that we were working on things, he went to counseling, we went to behavior therapy, we worked on behaviors in occupational therapy, and we were trying. Almost every day, she'd meet me at the car and tell me something that he did that day. Our counselor told us to just be glad that the school was seeing what I was talking about and that he wasn't hiding it from the school. We also wound up having to make him his own space at his own table and he needed constant redirection to stay in his own space. Grace did very well in school and was a people pleaser. Her teacher loved her.
Kindergarten brought some more behavior issues for Joy. I talked to her teacher and we were able to get her on the 504 status due to her ADHD. They worked with her and she got a seat by the teacher's desk and she needed a lot of redirection, but she did pretty well. I think some of it was dealing with a new school, new teacher, and just seeing what she could get away with. I continued to have concerns about her reading and writing, but they said that she was doing well. Finally before the end of the year, her teacher said that she was starting to see what my concerns were but that she was pushing through. Christopher continued to struggle with behaviors and agression in kindergarten and starting getting a lot of in school suspensions due to hurting other students. He was also throwing his lunches away and charging breakfast and lunch in the cafeteria all of the time. We finally had to tell the school that unless he had a note from home that he couldn't eat in the cafeteria. Little turkey, didn't do his morning work one day because he was too busy trying to forge a note from home in as nice handwriting as possible. He had our names all spelled phonetically and colored the whole thing brown. Obviously the lunch lady knew something was up. He's too smart for his own good. I asked him that day "did you ever think about simply asking us for what you want instead of thinking up all these ways to go around about way to get what you want?" UGH! At Christmas, I went up for their Christmas party not knowing anything was going on and the principal came and pulled me out and said that she had to take him to in school suspension for the day due to something that had happened, but that if he was going to continue going to school there that he couldn't go on acting like this. I went to the guidance counselor as we had a couple of talks about his behavior before and all that we were trying to do to help him succeed and I broke down crying in the hallway. After that point, it was all down hill from there. He was in ISS 2-4 times a week after that point. I also had him on 504 status as well so we could try to make accomodations. Having his own defined space was absolutely necessary in the classroom and on the playground or someone would get hurt. Grace did really well in kindergarten and she only got monitored 504 status due to her ADHD, but her work is all As and Bs and she continues to be a people-pleaser and her teacher loved her as well. The girls save a lot of their behavior up and it all comes out once they get home.
1st grade brought more of the same challenges that kindergarten brought. Christopher continued to struggle with behavior and spent lots of time in ISS, he was kicked off the bus due to lots of safety concerns and we had to bring him back and forth to school which made it hard on all of us at times. Towards the end of the school year, we actually had him start attending after-school care as we were having to pull over on the side of the road frequently to stop his meltdowns and the girls were getting kicked and their hair pulled all over him being upset by things that were going on at school but he was taking it out on them. These things didnt happen all of the time, but it was enough that I couldn't let it happen anymore. We thought that he needed a buffer zone between school and home and our counselor was recommending residential treatment and I wasnt' ready for that yet. So, we thought we'd try after school care. That way he was getting a buffer zone and the girls were getting a break and some time with me to themselves as well. We had him tested for special ed and he was diagnosed with an emotional disturbance and placed under the special ed umbrella. Joy continued to struggle with phonics and math and reading and did some reading recovery, tutoring, and some extra help. Grace is doing great in 1st grade this year and is frequently an all A student.
Joy struggled in 2nd grade as well and I pushed to have her tested for dyslexia. She met 2/3 of the characteristics, but they said that she didn't have it. Lots of extra help for her to succeed in 2nd grade. Christopher continues to struggle with behavior and flat out refusal to go to some classes or to listen to the staff and homework has become an even bigger struggle. He's been suspended from school 4 times this year and kicked off the regular bus. He now rides the special ed bus with success. He's in mainstream classes, but we just had an ARD to discuss a placement change. He is going to start attending a behavioral unit within the district in the next couple of weeks. He's doing social skills groups with the counselor to work on expressing his emotions properly, still going to counseling, going to occupational therapy and going to see the pscyhiatrist as well. He also had an incident at school and at home last week where he is now having delusions and hallucinations and now has a psychoses diagnoses as well.
Joy is in 3rd grade this year. Still thinking that there's a learning disorder of some sort going on. Her teacher pulled her file and saw that we had her tested for dyslexia. She was surprised as she was going to suggest that to us as an option until she found that we were already ahead of the game. She did say though that she agrees that there's something going on with her learning. She told us to let her fail as that was the only way that school would come in and test her. She held her own the first marking period and then the 2nd marking period, she started to fail. It was hard to watch her struggle so hard. School finally sent paperwork home and agreed to test her. 3rd marking period she did a little better but they were still 70s in most classes and lower in others. She continues to receive a lot of extra help and so forth, but it's still very difficult for her. They sent home a retention letter for her and she didn't do well at all on the mock testing for state testing. They just finished testing her for learning disabilities today, so we should have an ARD soon to find out what they have found out and make the best decision on what is best for her next year. I hate seeing her struggle so much, but with the way that she learns I'm not so sure that even if we retain her that she's going to pass, she may do better and gain a little more knowledge, but I'm not confident that it's just going to click with her to go through another year. We also found out by an occupational screening that she's got some visual perception difficulties and so she's attending OT again once a week to work on those things. I'm interested to see what the school finds out.
Every year brings new challenges and I hate having to retrain the staff every year. This coming year is going to bring new anxieties as well as we get to deal with an all new school since we got rezoned and Christopher will be at a different school than the girls as well, so we get 2 new schools to deal with and educate about our children. We can grandfather in Joy and Christopher, but it won't work with Grace. I'm still praying about what to do. It just makes me nervous with all of their challenges to have to deal with all new staff and schools. The principal and guidance counselor at least is on the same page wtih me every year. Now, I don't even have them to go too. Probably will ask for some documentation for the old staff to talk to the new staff about our children and what they have seen and all the struggles that come with that.
These are our school challenges thus far. Just wanted to give a little history of some of the things that we have dealt with.
Since they had their history with being in foster care, they were able to go to our public school pre-k program. Joy struggled with some learning in there and I let the teacher know that we had been working on this stuff in occupational therapy for quite some time. She just required a lot of repetition to learn things. We got her on her ADHD medicine and her behaviors got a little better although she continued to get in trouble on a regular basis. Once their adoption happened as well, she really seemed to calm down. Her teacher said to me one day "it's almost like she just really needed to know that you were telling her the truth and once she saw that she was indeed getting her forever family, she just seemed to calm down." She still had the occasional blip with behavior, but it wasn't anything like it had been. Christopher was very smart, but he developed a lot of behavioral issues and the teacher was concerned about the level of agression that he exhibited and his lack of boundaries. I continued to let her know that we were working on things, he went to counseling, we went to behavior therapy, we worked on behaviors in occupational therapy, and we were trying. Almost every day, she'd meet me at the car and tell me something that he did that day. Our counselor told us to just be glad that the school was seeing what I was talking about and that he wasn't hiding it from the school. We also wound up having to make him his own space at his own table and he needed constant redirection to stay in his own space. Grace did very well in school and was a people pleaser. Her teacher loved her.
Kindergarten brought some more behavior issues for Joy. I talked to her teacher and we were able to get her on the 504 status due to her ADHD. They worked with her and she got a seat by the teacher's desk and she needed a lot of redirection, but she did pretty well. I think some of it was dealing with a new school, new teacher, and just seeing what she could get away with. I continued to have concerns about her reading and writing, but they said that she was doing well. Finally before the end of the year, her teacher said that she was starting to see what my concerns were but that she was pushing through. Christopher continued to struggle with behaviors and agression in kindergarten and starting getting a lot of in school suspensions due to hurting other students. He was also throwing his lunches away and charging breakfast and lunch in the cafeteria all of the time. We finally had to tell the school that unless he had a note from home that he couldn't eat in the cafeteria. Little turkey, didn't do his morning work one day because he was too busy trying to forge a note from home in as nice handwriting as possible. He had our names all spelled phonetically and colored the whole thing brown. Obviously the lunch lady knew something was up. He's too smart for his own good. I asked him that day "did you ever think about simply asking us for what you want instead of thinking up all these ways to go around about way to get what you want?" UGH! At Christmas, I went up for their Christmas party not knowing anything was going on and the principal came and pulled me out and said that she had to take him to in school suspension for the day due to something that had happened, but that if he was going to continue going to school there that he couldn't go on acting like this. I went to the guidance counselor as we had a couple of talks about his behavior before and all that we were trying to do to help him succeed and I broke down crying in the hallway. After that point, it was all down hill from there. He was in ISS 2-4 times a week after that point. I also had him on 504 status as well so we could try to make accomodations. Having his own defined space was absolutely necessary in the classroom and on the playground or someone would get hurt. Grace did really well in kindergarten and she only got monitored 504 status due to her ADHD, but her work is all As and Bs and she continues to be a people-pleaser and her teacher loved her as well. The girls save a lot of their behavior up and it all comes out once they get home.
1st grade brought more of the same challenges that kindergarten brought. Christopher continued to struggle with behavior and spent lots of time in ISS, he was kicked off the bus due to lots of safety concerns and we had to bring him back and forth to school which made it hard on all of us at times. Towards the end of the school year, we actually had him start attending after-school care as we were having to pull over on the side of the road frequently to stop his meltdowns and the girls were getting kicked and their hair pulled all over him being upset by things that were going on at school but he was taking it out on them. These things didnt happen all of the time, but it was enough that I couldn't let it happen anymore. We thought that he needed a buffer zone between school and home and our counselor was recommending residential treatment and I wasnt' ready for that yet. So, we thought we'd try after school care. That way he was getting a buffer zone and the girls were getting a break and some time with me to themselves as well. We had him tested for special ed and he was diagnosed with an emotional disturbance and placed under the special ed umbrella. Joy continued to struggle with phonics and math and reading and did some reading recovery, tutoring, and some extra help. Grace is doing great in 1st grade this year and is frequently an all A student.
Joy struggled in 2nd grade as well and I pushed to have her tested for dyslexia. She met 2/3 of the characteristics, but they said that she didn't have it. Lots of extra help for her to succeed in 2nd grade. Christopher continues to struggle with behavior and flat out refusal to go to some classes or to listen to the staff and homework has become an even bigger struggle. He's been suspended from school 4 times this year and kicked off the regular bus. He now rides the special ed bus with success. He's in mainstream classes, but we just had an ARD to discuss a placement change. He is going to start attending a behavioral unit within the district in the next couple of weeks. He's doing social skills groups with the counselor to work on expressing his emotions properly, still going to counseling, going to occupational therapy and going to see the pscyhiatrist as well. He also had an incident at school and at home last week where he is now having delusions and hallucinations and now has a psychoses diagnoses as well.
Joy is in 3rd grade this year. Still thinking that there's a learning disorder of some sort going on. Her teacher pulled her file and saw that we had her tested for dyslexia. She was surprised as she was going to suggest that to us as an option until she found that we were already ahead of the game. She did say though that she agrees that there's something going on with her learning. She told us to let her fail as that was the only way that school would come in and test her. She held her own the first marking period and then the 2nd marking period, she started to fail. It was hard to watch her struggle so hard. School finally sent paperwork home and agreed to test her. 3rd marking period she did a little better but they were still 70s in most classes and lower in others. She continues to receive a lot of extra help and so forth, but it's still very difficult for her. They sent home a retention letter for her and she didn't do well at all on the mock testing for state testing. They just finished testing her for learning disabilities today, so we should have an ARD soon to find out what they have found out and make the best decision on what is best for her next year. I hate seeing her struggle so much, but with the way that she learns I'm not so sure that even if we retain her that she's going to pass, she may do better and gain a little more knowledge, but I'm not confident that it's just going to click with her to go through another year. We also found out by an occupational screening that she's got some visual perception difficulties and so she's attending OT again once a week to work on those things. I'm interested to see what the school finds out.
Every year brings new challenges and I hate having to retrain the staff every year. This coming year is going to bring new anxieties as well as we get to deal with an all new school since we got rezoned and Christopher will be at a different school than the girls as well, so we get 2 new schools to deal with and educate about our children. We can grandfather in Joy and Christopher, but it won't work with Grace. I'm still praying about what to do. It just makes me nervous with all of their challenges to have to deal with all new staff and schools. The principal and guidance counselor at least is on the same page wtih me every year. Now, I don't even have them to go too. Probably will ask for some documentation for the old staff to talk to the new staff about our children and what they have seen and all the struggles that come with that.
These are our school challenges thus far. Just wanted to give a little history of some of the things that we have dealt with.
Behaviors
We were taught in foster care training that every behavior meets a need. Some children had mild behaviors, some motherate, and some children you just learn to keep in constant line-of-sight supervision. They struggle so much with their feelings that it comes out in different ways. Sometimes they just don't know any better or they are just acting out things that had been done to them or that they had seen before. Of our 3 adopted children, I have one basic child (Grace) and 2 moderate (Joy and Christopher). Christopher requires line-of-sight supervision at all times though. Things are never boring around here.
We went to behavior therapy for maybe a year or slightly longer. I needed some extra help. 2 of my children (Joy and Christopher) had ADHD with ODD (oppositional defiance disorder). The psychologist there told us that they normally worked with parents who lacked parenting skills and that we could be teaching that class. They worked with our own individual family for a few months afterwards, but we didn't see much improvement so we quit going.
The more books that I read and other adoptive parents that I talked to, I really started to wonder if we were weren't dealing with RAD (reactive attachment disorder). I began to look for an attachment therapist. I e-mailed one in Austin, but he wanted to see us every other Friday for an hour for each child. I didn't know how that was going to work with it being a 3-hour drive one way. I've come to realize that therapists that treat this disorder are not easy to find and you kind of have to be willing to travel a bit. I prayed about it and stumbled upon a blog of another adoptive parent here in TX. She was parenting kids with RAD and was saying how much finding a good therapist would really help. I e-mailed her and she helped me to find a couple more local therapists in my area. I did some research and decided who I thought would be better for our family.
Christopher was really ramping up his agression and was lying more and more. He would refuse to comply with even the simple things, he wouldn't leave his seatbelt on and he would unbuckle the girls. He would throw fit and fit and hit, kick, and tip over furniture. He would sneak things that he wasn't supposed to be into and break them. He woudln't sleep at night and he heard everything even if you stepped on the carpet outside his door. He blamed us when he got consequences. He didn't connect his behavior to the consequence. He could tell you what he should have done, but he'd never apply it. He had no fear, no sense of danger, and was constantly moving and talking. We had him in occupational therapy working on sensory needs, motor skills, and other delays that he had as well as behaviors. Our therapist even told me at one point that if he was her only child, she wouldn't have any more and that whenever she had a bad day she thought of me and figured that if I could do it, she could do it. I asked her if my house was really that bad and she said that she knew that we were doing all that we could to try and work on behaviors, but she knew that we had our hands full.
Joy was lying, stealing, and breaking things all of the time and getting in trouble at school with not wanting to do her work, but wanting to crawl around on the floor making animal noises and putting her hands on the other kids and she was always into everything. That did settle down once we met with the teacher and she thought that she had ADHD although she wasn't allowed to say that. I had my hands so full with Christopher, that I knew something was going on with Joy, but it wasn't to the extent that it was with Christopher. We had her tested and started on meds and once her adoption also happened and she realized that we were telling her the truth, alot of the behaviors settled down. She still struggled with being impulsive and fidgety and had a hard time focusing, but her behavior was definitely settling down. The main thing that I was concerned about at that point was I noticed it took her a LOT of repetition to learn things. It took her almost 3 years to learn colors, shapes, the alphabet and numbers and phonics and reading was a struggle.
Grace came to us at 23 months and majorly struggled with temper tantrums. She wouldn't explore her environment. She would scream if I put her down or had to go to the bathroom. She either had to be in my arms or she played at my feet. She cried and screamed all of the time. Finally, a respite worker that we had at the time told me that she thought Grace needed to go in Mother's Day Out to work on knowing that I would come back as she screamed and cried so badly. It took her almost a year to learn that. However, she still struggles with crying and throwing temper tantrums over a lot of things. I think it's anxiety related myself. She also struggles with memory and not knowing certain words for things and so when she doesn't know the proper word for what she wants or what she's trying to express, she gets frustrated and starts to cry. She also has been diagnosed with ADHD.
All of my adopted littles struggle with ADHD. Christopher has RAD. My girls have attachment issues, but nothing severe like Christopher. Christopher also has PTSD, is on the autism scale with PDD (pervasive development disorder) and just last week we added another diagnoses due to him having hallucinations and delusions of psychoses nos and due to all the behavioral problems at school, he will be starting to go to the behavioral unit in a couple of weeks. Time will tell what the psychoses diagnoses will turn into.
I continue to pray for God's healing and we continue to go to therapy and different doctors appts to address various needs. Each day brings blessings and trials and I will talk about them here. One day God will show me what His plan is and how He is going to turn it all around for good. I firmly believe that.
We went to behavior therapy for maybe a year or slightly longer. I needed some extra help. 2 of my children (Joy and Christopher) had ADHD with ODD (oppositional defiance disorder). The psychologist there told us that they normally worked with parents who lacked parenting skills and that we could be teaching that class. They worked with our own individual family for a few months afterwards, but we didn't see much improvement so we quit going.
The more books that I read and other adoptive parents that I talked to, I really started to wonder if we were weren't dealing with RAD (reactive attachment disorder). I began to look for an attachment therapist. I e-mailed one in Austin, but he wanted to see us every other Friday for an hour for each child. I didn't know how that was going to work with it being a 3-hour drive one way. I've come to realize that therapists that treat this disorder are not easy to find and you kind of have to be willing to travel a bit. I prayed about it and stumbled upon a blog of another adoptive parent here in TX. She was parenting kids with RAD and was saying how much finding a good therapist would really help. I e-mailed her and she helped me to find a couple more local therapists in my area. I did some research and decided who I thought would be better for our family.
Christopher was really ramping up his agression and was lying more and more. He would refuse to comply with even the simple things, he wouldn't leave his seatbelt on and he would unbuckle the girls. He would throw fit and fit and hit, kick, and tip over furniture. He would sneak things that he wasn't supposed to be into and break them. He woudln't sleep at night and he heard everything even if you stepped on the carpet outside his door. He blamed us when he got consequences. He didn't connect his behavior to the consequence. He could tell you what he should have done, but he'd never apply it. He had no fear, no sense of danger, and was constantly moving and talking. We had him in occupational therapy working on sensory needs, motor skills, and other delays that he had as well as behaviors. Our therapist even told me at one point that if he was her only child, she wouldn't have any more and that whenever she had a bad day she thought of me and figured that if I could do it, she could do it. I asked her if my house was really that bad and she said that she knew that we were doing all that we could to try and work on behaviors, but she knew that we had our hands full.
Joy was lying, stealing, and breaking things all of the time and getting in trouble at school with not wanting to do her work, but wanting to crawl around on the floor making animal noises and putting her hands on the other kids and she was always into everything. That did settle down once we met with the teacher and she thought that she had ADHD although she wasn't allowed to say that. I had my hands so full with Christopher, that I knew something was going on with Joy, but it wasn't to the extent that it was with Christopher. We had her tested and started on meds and once her adoption also happened and she realized that we were telling her the truth, alot of the behaviors settled down. She still struggled with being impulsive and fidgety and had a hard time focusing, but her behavior was definitely settling down. The main thing that I was concerned about at that point was I noticed it took her a LOT of repetition to learn things. It took her almost 3 years to learn colors, shapes, the alphabet and numbers and phonics and reading was a struggle.
Grace came to us at 23 months and majorly struggled with temper tantrums. She wouldn't explore her environment. She would scream if I put her down or had to go to the bathroom. She either had to be in my arms or she played at my feet. She cried and screamed all of the time. Finally, a respite worker that we had at the time told me that she thought Grace needed to go in Mother's Day Out to work on knowing that I would come back as she screamed and cried so badly. It took her almost a year to learn that. However, she still struggles with crying and throwing temper tantrums over a lot of things. I think it's anxiety related myself. She also struggles with memory and not knowing certain words for things and so when she doesn't know the proper word for what she wants or what she's trying to express, she gets frustrated and starts to cry. She also has been diagnosed with ADHD.
All of my adopted littles struggle with ADHD. Christopher has RAD. My girls have attachment issues, but nothing severe like Christopher. Christopher also has PTSD, is on the autism scale with PDD (pervasive development disorder) and just last week we added another diagnoses due to him having hallucinations and delusions of psychoses nos and due to all the behavioral problems at school, he will be starting to go to the behavioral unit in a couple of weeks. Time will tell what the psychoses diagnoses will turn into.
I continue to pray for God's healing and we continue to go to therapy and different doctors appts to address various needs. Each day brings blessings and trials and I will talk about them here. One day God will show me what His plan is and how He is going to turn it all around for good. I firmly believe that.
Closing our home...
We wound up closing our home to foster care shortly after coming home. We were due for quarterly monitoring and without any foster placements anyway, we just wanted to focus on our new baby girl and making sure that things were going well with our kids with all the new changes and adjustments. Our foster care agency called us asking if we wanted a newborn and Hubby told them that we were thinking about closing our home. They said that with bringing a newborn home, they did see that we were busy. We also didn't have anymore van space. I just wanted to be with our kids and be a family without new littles coming and going, caseworker visits and all the birthparent visits and paperwork. I felt that we had enough changes with the girls adoption and then the birth of Catherine that we just needed to be our own little family for awhile. So, we felt good about our decision and felt that we just needed to focus on our current kids and that if God wanted us to have more children, we would leave the possbility open.
That's the story of how our family came to be thus far...
That's the story of how our family came to be thus far...
Catherine
I went in for my 34 week check-up and found out that my blood pressure was back up and I was having pretty regular contractions. I was sent to the hospital for monitoring for an hour. Imagine my surprise when the doctor himself came in and said he wanted to keep me until I delivered. I had 2 sets of steroid shots and an amnio that showed that she was ready. Catherine came into the world at 35 weeks. She spent a week in the special care nursery and we were able to come home. It was a wonderful feeling to come home to all of my children. They all loved their baby sister and she loved to watch them!
Joy and Grace are finally adopted!
Those couple of weeks went by fast and soon adoption day arrived! Joy and Grace became a part of our family forever that day. More happy tears! Hubby and I felt so very blessed. What answered prayers that God gave us and He watched over my health so that our adoption could go on as planned too! I wanted to natural order of things to prevail as Joy and Grace were here before we found out about the baby coming and God allowed their adoption to be completed as planned. Thank you!!
We're having a baby!!
Towards the end of October, I found out that I was pregnant. We were thrilled! We had given up hope after 9 years and had accepted that God just wanted to grow our family through adoption. Just before Christmas we found out that we were going to have another baby girl. Christopher was a little upset that it wasn't a baby boy, but we were all happy to be having another baby. I wound up in the hospital over spring break in March as I was having contractions. I wasn't due until May 30th, so I went in to be monitored. Due to high blood pressure and diabetes, they decided to keep me. There was talk about maybe transferring me to Big Baylor in Dallas and monitoring me until I delivered so if she had to come early, there was a NICU available to handle a baby that early. I was scared and there was a lot going on with the birthmom and visits with the girls. I was just wanting to complete the girls adoptions before we had our baby too as I felt like they were here before we found out that we were expecting and deserved to have their adoption finalized before the baby was born. I was all wound up (great for your blood pressure) with everything going on, but thankfully tests revealed that it wasn't as serious as they first thought. My Dr. also realized that I was needed at home. I just had to agree to more doctor visits so I could be monitored more closesly. I was thankful too because our adoptions for the girls was just a couple of weeks away.
Joy and Grace
Joy and Grace came after we said our good-byes to Baby L and Little A. Joy and Grace were 3 years old and 23 months old. They kept us on our toes. They were little sweethearts but oh so full of mischief. They were all over the place all of the time. I couldn't sit down, I was always up to play referee. They quickly became part of the family though. They had a little brother who lived with another foster family and we did respite for him occasionally. We said a couple of times that we would take him as a placement so they could all be together, but it never happened. We had the girls almost 18 months and were getting ready to go to court for a jury trial to determine whether the girls were going to go home or go up for adoption. We had a family meeting to try to come up with a family placement one last time and during that meeting, one of the CPS workers asked me if we would consider adopting them. I said yes, but we supported reunification too. All the options were being put on the table and so the CPS worker let the family know that adoption with us was an option too. A couple of days later, the birthmom agreed to adoption, if we were the family that would take them. At the courtdate where they terminated the birthparents rights, I hadn't been feeling well. I thought it was just nerves. I was happy that we were getting to adopt our girls, but I was sad for birthmom too. Lots of conflicting emotions...she gave up Joy and Grace and was getting their little brother back as well as keeping her baby girl.
Fostering
We fostered 5 little ones as well as the 3 little ones that we came to adopt. Baby E we had for only 3 weeks. He was the first little one we had to say good-bye to. It ripped my heart out and I could barely talk when the transporter from CPS came to get him. He went to a friend of mom's to give mom some more time to work her case plan and find a place to live. The transporter left with him and I sobbed my heart out.
Baby D came after that and a few months into his placement his sister Little J came to live with us too. They were actually a sibling group of 4. They had an older brother that was placed with another agency, but he was with another foster family that lived on our street down the road. He walked down to visit sometimes and even spent Christmas with us. They also had an older sister that went to live with her Dad near Houston. We had a sibling visit here once and Little J loved having her here and they enjoyed being here together. Baby D and Little J stayed with us for just over a year. That good-bye was hard on all of us. Little J was so torn. She didn't want to leave us, but they were excited to go back home. Christopher and Baby D were best buds too, so I didn't know how that was going to go either. We were sad to tell them good-bye, but happy that they got to go back home with mom and dad. We wished them well!
Little A and Baby L came after that. Baby L was a failure-to-thrive baby. He was very laid back and I never had any problems getting him to take foods, even though birthmom and early intervention said they could never get him to eat. He ate every 2 hours when I first got him and he was a great eater. He was also very happy and laid back and he was just adorable. We got him growing again and he was quickly taken off the failure-to-thrive status. Little A and Cristyn didn't always get along either. I determined that I wouldn't take anymore placements that were too close to Cristyn's age again. Thankfully, they did get along sometimes and it was nice to see them have fun together. I just think that sometimes the placements get jealous that Cristyn has a close family and all the things that they wish they had at home and they start taking things out on Cristyn. It did take a toll on Cristyn though, and it's hard to see your own biological child get hurt from others that you're just trying to help. About 6 weeks into the placement, Little A wound up being placed with a friend of the family and Baby L went with Dad. That was another hard good-bye as he had come so far, yet I was happy for Dad. Little A was happy to go with the friend of the family and we wished her well.
I think each time we had to say a good-bye those little ones took a piece of our hearts with them. We still wonder about them and wonder how they are doing and they come up in conversations and we pray for them often. Probably always will...
Baby D came after that and a few months into his placement his sister Little J came to live with us too. They were actually a sibling group of 4. They had an older brother that was placed with another agency, but he was with another foster family that lived on our street down the road. He walked down to visit sometimes and even spent Christmas with us. They also had an older sister that went to live with her Dad near Houston. We had a sibling visit here once and Little J loved having her here and they enjoyed being here together. Baby D and Little J stayed with us for just over a year. That good-bye was hard on all of us. Little J was so torn. She didn't want to leave us, but they were excited to go back home. Christopher and Baby D were best buds too, so I didn't know how that was going to go either. We were sad to tell them good-bye, but happy that they got to go back home with mom and dad. We wished them well!
Little A and Baby L came after that. Baby L was a failure-to-thrive baby. He was very laid back and I never had any problems getting him to take foods, even though birthmom and early intervention said they could never get him to eat. He ate every 2 hours when I first got him and he was a great eater. He was also very happy and laid back and he was just adorable. We got him growing again and he was quickly taken off the failure-to-thrive status. Little A and Cristyn didn't always get along either. I determined that I wouldn't take anymore placements that were too close to Cristyn's age again. Thankfully, they did get along sometimes and it was nice to see them have fun together. I just think that sometimes the placements get jealous that Cristyn has a close family and all the things that they wish they had at home and they start taking things out on Cristyn. It did take a toll on Cristyn though, and it's hard to see your own biological child get hurt from others that you're just trying to help. About 6 weeks into the placement, Little A wound up being placed with a friend of the family and Baby L went with Dad. That was another hard good-bye as he had come so far, yet I was happy for Dad. Little A was happy to go with the friend of the family and we wished her well.
I think each time we had to say a good-bye those little ones took a piece of our hearts with them. We still wonder about them and wonder how they are doing and they come up in conversations and we pray for them often. Probably always will...
Tuesday, April 22, 2014
Christopher
On Memorial Day weekend in 2007, we got a call to do respite for a 13-month old little baby boy. We were thrilled to have a little baby to take care of and Cristyn couldn't wait to push him around in the stroller. We absolutely loved holding him and taking care of him. By that following Tuesday, our agency had asked us to take him as a placement. Hubby and I were beaming and Cristyn was joyously walking him around in the stroller and playing with him. We were thrilled to have a baby in the house again! Christopher had us all wrapped around his fingers. He was a little tornado of constant energy and kept us on our toes.
Over time, we had him in speech and occupational therapy and we were working on some behaviors. He could demolish a room within seconds and didn't know how to play. He wouldn't listen to the word "no." He was very strong-willed and that's putting it mildly. I thought that he'd grow out of it as he got used to boudnaries and rules.
His CPS worker came to visit him and couldn't get over the change in his demeanor. I asked her what she meant by that and she said that he was so happy and that he smiles now whereas before he would just kind of stare at her with no expression. That broke my heart. She asked us if we would consider adoption as his birthmom was going back and forth on the idea. I said that we would.
I met his birthmom a couple of months later and she brought adoption up to me. She was undecided, but she asked me if we would adopt him. I told her that yes, we would if that is what she decided.
Shortly after he turned 2, CPS started thinking about changing his plan from reunification to termination and putting him up for adoption. Birthmom just wasn't working her case plan and was doing things that were unsafe for him. That went back and forth for awhile...what a rollercoaster of emotions. Then birthmom decided that she didn't like being separated from Christopher and they talked about placing him back with her in a group home environment if she'd work her case plan. We had a court hearing and were considering hiring our own attorney to fight for him. However, his birthmom failed to show up to court or work any of her case plan. The district attorney came out to tal to us and asked us if we were considering adoption and what our intentions were. We told her that we would adopt Christopher in a heartbeat. She told us that she was going to postpone court as she only had 2/3 grounds covered to terminate birthmom's rights. We came back about a month later and once again, birthmom failed to show. She hadn't shown up to her visit that they had scheduled for her with him either...come to find out that had been her good-bye visit. They wound up putting me on the stand in court to state how he had been like after the handful of visits that he did have with birthmom. All the workers were in agreement that adoption by us was in his best interest. Termination of parental rights on his birthmom and birthdad were grated. About 6 months later, we were back in adoption court and Christopher became our son forever. He was 3 years old! God had granted us our son and I cried tears of joy!
Over time, we had him in speech and occupational therapy and we were working on some behaviors. He could demolish a room within seconds and didn't know how to play. He wouldn't listen to the word "no." He was very strong-willed and that's putting it mildly. I thought that he'd grow out of it as he got used to boudnaries and rules.
His CPS worker came to visit him and couldn't get over the change in his demeanor. I asked her what she meant by that and she said that he was so happy and that he smiles now whereas before he would just kind of stare at her with no expression. That broke my heart. She asked us if we would consider adoption as his birthmom was going back and forth on the idea. I said that we would.
I met his birthmom a couple of months later and she brought adoption up to me. She was undecided, but she asked me if we would adopt him. I told her that yes, we would if that is what she decided.
Shortly after he turned 2, CPS started thinking about changing his plan from reunification to termination and putting him up for adoption. Birthmom just wasn't working her case plan and was doing things that were unsafe for him. That went back and forth for awhile...what a rollercoaster of emotions. Then birthmom decided that she didn't like being separated from Christopher and they talked about placing him back with her in a group home environment if she'd work her case plan. We had a court hearing and were considering hiring our own attorney to fight for him. However, his birthmom failed to show up to court or work any of her case plan. The district attorney came out to tal to us and asked us if we were considering adoption and what our intentions were. We told her that we would adopt Christopher in a heartbeat. She told us that she was going to postpone court as she only had 2/3 grounds covered to terminate birthmom's rights. We came back about a month later and once again, birthmom failed to show. She hadn't shown up to her visit that they had scheduled for her with him either...come to find out that had been her good-bye visit. They wound up putting me on the stand in court to state how he had been like after the handful of visits that he did have with birthmom. All the workers were in agreement that adoption by us was in his best interest. Termination of parental rights on his birthmom and birthdad were grated. About 6 months later, we were back in adoption court and Christopher became our son forever. He was 3 years old! God had granted us our son and I cried tears of joy!
Monday, April 14, 2014
Talking about adoption and a big move...
A few months later Cristyn continued to question why she was the only child. We started to think about adoption as we wanted our children to be somewhat close in age. We started asking questions...
"Where should we adopt from?" International. We determined that we didn't think that we could handle knowing the birth families and we didn't think we could handle giving the children back if it came to that. So we decided that it was going to be international for sure. Besides, we both had family members that had been adopted from overseas. We knew if we went that route, we had family members that had walked similar paths and our children would have cousins that could relate to them too.
"Should we adopt a boy or a girl?" If we adopted from a county that allowed us to adopt 2 children at the same time, we were thinking about adopting a girl and a boy. If not, we thought a sister for Cristyn would be great.
"How are we going to do this financially?" We thought about fundraising, asking for help and trusting that God would provide if we were in His will for our family.
We wondered about lots of things, but these were just the basics.
We started looking into countries to adopt from. We got some information about Kazakhstan and then determined that wasn't going to work. I kept researching and we decided to look into Guatemala. They were making some changes to how they were doing their adoptions, but my heart was really with Guatemala. With the changes becoming more apparent over time it became obvious that God was shutting that door to that possibility as well. Our hearts hurt.
With the job market still not being the greatest in Michigan, Hubby wanted to get back to a job that he had actually gone to college for. He sat me down and said that he was looking at jobs in Texas. My parents had moved there a couple of years before our wedding, but I was fearful about tornadoes, tarantulas, and snakes. However, we decided to go for it. I put in a transfer with work. I was told that it could take awhile. 6 days later my transfer went through. A couple of weeks later, Cristyn and I drove down to Texas to find us a place to live and Hubby gave notice at his job.
God provided us with a rental house in a cute little town in Waxahachie. I worked 15 minutes down the road. 1 month after moving here, God gave Hubby his new job. He really blessed us with that opportunity and Andy was very happy with it.
Cristyn started kindergarten that fall and we had began looking into adopting from China. We went through orientation with the agency that we were going to use and started a financial plan together about how much we needed to complete each step. We were all pretty excited when news came out that changes were coming to how their adoption program was going to work. SOme rules would prevent us from adopting, however we could be grandfathered in if we got all of our paperwork in within a certain time frame. Financially it wasn't going to work and they said that the wait to be matched with a child was getting longer and longer. With that to worry about, we decided to close that door. My heart hurt even more. Cristyn really wanted a sibling at that point and we really wanted another child too.
We talked about doing IVF again, but we really didn't have peace with it. We prayed and talked to God about what was on our hearts.
One night, I couldn't sleep and went on the internet. I felt God talking to me about adoption and fostering. I just wasn't sure if I could handle the emotions of caring for hurt children and then having to give them back. I wasn't sure if Hubby would even go for it. I felt God asking me to just trust Him.
The next morning, I talked to Hubby about it and he told me to check it out. Imagine my surprise, when I searched for agencies and listerally found one 5 minutes down the road from our house. I called and they had an information session a week later. We went and found out more and got even more excited. We got the paperwork started and did the 6 weeks of training classes. We were fingerprinted and background checked and theedy sent out our reference letters. Our house was inspected by the fire and health departments and we had our home study completed. Every step was a little nerve-wracking, but led us one step closer to getting our license.
We determined that we would foster any child as long as Cristyn remained the oldest. Race and gender didn't matter to us. If they came up for adoption while we were fostering them, we would be their forever family.
"Where should we adopt from?" International. We determined that we didn't think that we could handle knowing the birth families and we didn't think we could handle giving the children back if it came to that. So we decided that it was going to be international for sure. Besides, we both had family members that had been adopted from overseas. We knew if we went that route, we had family members that had walked similar paths and our children would have cousins that could relate to them too.
"Should we adopt a boy or a girl?" If we adopted from a county that allowed us to adopt 2 children at the same time, we were thinking about adopting a girl and a boy. If not, we thought a sister for Cristyn would be great.
"How are we going to do this financially?" We thought about fundraising, asking for help and trusting that God would provide if we were in His will for our family.
We wondered about lots of things, but these were just the basics.
We started looking into countries to adopt from. We got some information about Kazakhstan and then determined that wasn't going to work. I kept researching and we decided to look into Guatemala. They were making some changes to how they were doing their adoptions, but my heart was really with Guatemala. With the changes becoming more apparent over time it became obvious that God was shutting that door to that possibility as well. Our hearts hurt.
With the job market still not being the greatest in Michigan, Hubby wanted to get back to a job that he had actually gone to college for. He sat me down and said that he was looking at jobs in Texas. My parents had moved there a couple of years before our wedding, but I was fearful about tornadoes, tarantulas, and snakes. However, we decided to go for it. I put in a transfer with work. I was told that it could take awhile. 6 days later my transfer went through. A couple of weeks later, Cristyn and I drove down to Texas to find us a place to live and Hubby gave notice at his job.
God provided us with a rental house in a cute little town in Waxahachie. I worked 15 minutes down the road. 1 month after moving here, God gave Hubby his new job. He really blessed us with that opportunity and Andy was very happy with it.
Cristyn started kindergarten that fall and we had began looking into adopting from China. We went through orientation with the agency that we were going to use and started a financial plan together about how much we needed to complete each step. We were all pretty excited when news came out that changes were coming to how their adoption program was going to work. SOme rules would prevent us from adopting, however we could be grandfathered in if we got all of our paperwork in within a certain time frame. Financially it wasn't going to work and they said that the wait to be matched with a child was getting longer and longer. With that to worry about, we decided to close that door. My heart hurt even more. Cristyn really wanted a sibling at that point and we really wanted another child too.
We talked about doing IVF again, but we really didn't have peace with it. We prayed and talked to God about what was on our hearts.
One night, I couldn't sleep and went on the internet. I felt God talking to me about adoption and fostering. I just wasn't sure if I could handle the emotions of caring for hurt children and then having to give them back. I wasn't sure if Hubby would even go for it. I felt God asking me to just trust Him.
The next morning, I talked to Hubby about it and he told me to check it out. Imagine my surprise, when I searched for agencies and listerally found one 5 minutes down the road from our house. I called and they had an information session a week later. We went and found out more and got even more excited. We got the paperwork started and did the 6 weeks of training classes. We were fingerprinted and background checked and theedy sent out our reference letters. Our house was inspected by the fire and health departments and we had our home study completed. Every step was a little nerve-wracking, but led us one step closer to getting our license.
We determined that we would foster any child as long as Cristyn remained the oldest. Race and gender didn't matter to us. If they came up for adoption while we were fostering them, we would be their forever family.
Cristyn
I decided on the advice of a friend to call the kids by their middle names and so everyone knows who I'm referring to I'm going to tell a little story about each one.
Our eldest daughter, Cristyn, was born in November of 2000 with the help of in vitro fertilization. She was born 5 weeks early due to my high blood pressure and gestational diabetes. A c-section brought relief from failure-to-progress after 36 hours of labor. I only managed to dialate to 3 centimeters in all that time. FInally, she was born and was 7 lbs 2 oz and 18 inches long. We had a little fight to get through as she wound up being transferred to another hospital and being put in NICU and I wound up being put in ICU myself due to some problems after delivery. However, we got through it and a few days later I was released and went to hold my baby girl and a few days later she was released to come home too. Just in time to celebrate her first Thanksgiving. Our little baby girl was healthy and beautiful and we were so thankful for her! God had definitely answered our prayers!
When Cristyn was just 3 months old, Hubby got laid off. We sold our house in Illinois a couple of years later and moved back to Michigan. We thought being around more family would help as Hubby continued to look for work. I went back to work when she was 3 and had to put her in daycare and it about broke my heart. It took both of us to work and we both weren't making much due to Michigan's job economy. Cristyn enjoyed daycare and she made friends there too. She started noticing though after awhile that her friends all had sisters and brothers and it brought the question of "Why don't I have a sister or a brother, Mommy?" "How come there's just me?" We had been open to life for quite awhile trusting God's timing and not knowing if I could emotionally handle the rollercoaster of infertility treatments again. We weren't sure of what to do and just gave it a little more time.
Our eldest daughter, Cristyn, was born in November of 2000 with the help of in vitro fertilization. She was born 5 weeks early due to my high blood pressure and gestational diabetes. A c-section brought relief from failure-to-progress after 36 hours of labor. I only managed to dialate to 3 centimeters in all that time. FInally, she was born and was 7 lbs 2 oz and 18 inches long. We had a little fight to get through as she wound up being transferred to another hospital and being put in NICU and I wound up being put in ICU myself due to some problems after delivery. However, we got through it and a few days later I was released and went to hold my baby girl and a few days later she was released to come home too. Just in time to celebrate her first Thanksgiving. Our little baby girl was healthy and beautiful and we were so thankful for her! God had definitely answered our prayers!
When Cristyn was just 3 months old, Hubby got laid off. We sold our house in Illinois a couple of years later and moved back to Michigan. We thought being around more family would help as Hubby continued to look for work. I went back to work when she was 3 and had to put her in daycare and it about broke my heart. It took both of us to work and we both weren't making much due to Michigan's job economy. Cristyn enjoyed daycare and she made friends there too. She started noticing though after awhile that her friends all had sisters and brothers and it brought the question of "Why don't I have a sister or a brother, Mommy?" "How come there's just me?" We had been open to life for quite awhile trusting God's timing and not knowing if I could emotionally handle the rollercoaster of infertility treatments again. We weren't sure of what to do and just gave it a little more time.
How the "us" got started....
I decided to go back and do some background so that when I refer to the kids you'll know who I'm talking about and have some info on our family.
Hubby and I got married in September of 1998. We had a little wedding in Chicago. We had both grown up in Michigan in the Grand Rapids area, but Hubby went to Chicago for college and where he had a better job market to do computer graphics. We did the long-distance relationship thing for 2 years, before I followed him to Chicago.
He proposed after the fireworks on the 4th of July in the rain while we walked back to my apartment along the lake shore on Lake Michigan. We were soaked and happy and of course I said yes!
Just a little bit of how the "us" got started....
Hubby and I got married in September of 1998. We had a little wedding in Chicago. We had both grown up in Michigan in the Grand Rapids area, but Hubby went to Chicago for college and where he had a better job market to do computer graphics. We did the long-distance relationship thing for 2 years, before I followed him to Chicago.
He proposed after the fireworks on the 4th of July in the rain while we walked back to my apartment along the lake shore on Lake Michigan. We were soaked and happy and of course I said yes!
Just a little bit of how the "us" got started....
Saturday, January 4, 2014
A new perspective...
Parenting is hard. Parenting kids with special needs due to trauma and neglect is really hard. Parenting kids with reactive attachment disorder, ADHD, oppositional defiant disorder, PTSD, pervasive developmental disorder is difficult. I can't do it alone. I've read books and read books and prayed about it and prayed about it. I love my kids and will never give up. Some days are very draining and difficult. Lots of behavior problems. Lots of learning problems. I felt God telling me a few months ago to keep bringing it to Him in prayer and He will guide me. I don't have to do everything that the books say to do...I can't physically do it all. However, I can trust God with my burdens and teach my children His ways, and He will work in their lives as well as in mine. What a relief!! So often, I try to do it myself when I just can't. I can't make them change their ways...but God can open their hearts and work in their life if I just pray with them over certain issues and show them in scripture what God says about certain things. So glad that we have a God that sees our hearts and can work in our lives. Trying to make God the first priority in every day for all of us. That is my habit that I really want to instill in all of us this year along with gratitude. Even in the hard times, I am so greatful for my family. I love each one of them and hope for the best for each one. I want to be the best wife and Mom that I can be as well, but I need God to help me along the way...and to fill in those voids when I am drained and empty. Thank you, God for being there for each one of us and for working in all of us.
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