Anxiety

Sometimes I wonder if hearing from the birth family will ever quit causing anxiety for me. I understand that they didn't grow from my tummy and that the birth family will always be a part of them. I strongly get that.  We have a semi-open adoption with our kids birthparents. I do pictures on a blog with updates for them so that they can watch their children grow. We were going to allow visitation with the girls and their birthfamily. But due to some circumstances, we felt that wasn't in their best interests any longer. They haven't seen her in a couple of years. They don't ask to see her or anything and I've always told their birthmom that if they got older and they wanted to see her that I would help them to do that. I wound up having to change my cell phone number and all of that stuff as one of them was constantly calling or texting me all of the time and it was too stressful being in constant contact. So, I made the break and started doing everything on a blog format instead of by cell phones and e-mail. It was probably one of the best things that I ever did. It's given me the break that I needed so that I wasn't dreading every time my cell phone went off and I could open my email and not see a ton of emails wanting this or that multiple times a day. It gave us boundaries. Those are a good thing. :-) I still do the blog for her and she checks in sporadically. Sometimes I still feel anxiety about it. I understand that she just wants to see them grow and she wants to know how and what they're doing.  Sometimes I feel torn on wanting to be there for her too, but yet God has told me that my children are my priority.  I heard that message loud and clear.  I can't do both.  At least not right now.  Yet, why do I feel anxious when she requests things? I know why if I really think about it...I want to be so on top of things, that she doesn't have room to ask for things. How ridiculous is that? I know that a lot of times, I'm just waiting for her to check in before I do more...yet I'm the one that once she asks for more feels guilty for not already having it done for her. The blog doesn't define me as a parent, I know this. She will never see the true picture of what my house is like, what parenting all of my children is like, and I know that I do the best that I can...I just wish that hearing from them didn't cause anxiety sometimes like it does. God, give me the graces to talk with the birth family and to continue praying for them. Help me not to feel anxious about anything. For You say in Phillipians 4:6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Amen