The Health Alarm

I'm a diabetic with high blood pressure and high cholesterol.  My biological Mom died at age 30...complications of diabetes.  July 2nd was my Grandma's birthday.  I know that she worried about my health before she died.  I sat on my bed that morning looking at their pictures hanging on the wall beside my bed.  Parenting kids with RAD, ADHD, Oppositional Defiance Disorder, PTSD, PDD (autism spectrum), suspected fetal alcohol and drug exposure has also taken its toll on me.  I don't want to die young because I'm neglecting my health, yet due to not having great health insurance and the demands of taking care of children like this...it's a juggling act and I have put myself on the back burner.  A lot of the time, I start out with the best of intentions, but the kids are great at becoming demanding or stirring up strife and the next thing I know is that I can't remember if I've taken my insulin or I forget to monitor my blood sugars because their demands have taken priority.  I sat on the bed looking at my Grandparents (my Grandpa is also a diabetic) and I made a promise to my Grandma and my Mom that I was going to start making sure that my health became a priority.  I don't want to die young and leave my husband and my children behind.  My husband needs his wife and my children need their mother.

Hubby had a big talk with the kids about that when they saw me trying to take care of myself that they needed to wait to express what their needs were until they saw that I was done and the importance behind all of that.  Granted at lunch, my blood sugar was dropping and I had a child have a total meltdown over not getting exactly what they wanted for lunch and my dropping blood sugar had to wait until safe mode happened before I could take care of myself.  Then, I was trying to get through motor mouth time to remember what I was doing.  Got a notebook and am trying to journal as I go through the day so I can use the journal to help me keep track.  Going to try and use this blog to hold me accountable as well.  Trying to get some exercise daily as well.

The good news is that I was finally able to go onto hubby's insurance at work, so that I can start going to the doctor again.  I'm terrified of the news as I know my blood work is more than likely not going to be good, but I'm going to be honest and tell them that and what I'm doing to turn it around and am going to go from here.  Doing it afraid...God is on my side.

Christopher the artist...

Christopher is a great artist and he was sitting at the kitchen table the other day and he wanted to draw.  He started telling his sisters that he wanted to draw Donald Duck for them.  Joy said that she didn't really like Donald Duck that much and Grace was just staring at him with an odd look on her face.  Catherine likes it when he draws stuff for her, but he had all these intentions and so I suggested that maybe he could make pictures and write Get Well messages on them and I'd send them to the Children's Hospital.  He immediately yelled out "Yeah, because I am a good artist and I can make people feel better!"  He drew for awhile and got tired and he came to me and asked me "Can I give the kids some of my toys so they aren't bored in the hospital?  Or can I give them my allowance?"  I told him that I appreciated his heart but I didn't know about any of that and so I'd have to look it up, but maybe the kids could make donations to a jar and then at the end of the year, we could send in their donation to help the kids.  He smiled so big and I was so proud of him at that moment in showing his sweet side.

Confession and the park

Christopher makes his first communion next weekend so I took him to church to go to confession.  Joy said she had some things that she needed to go for and so she asked to come with us.  I asked them both if they had to use the bathroom before we went.  Both said no.  So, we got to church and get in line and it's Christopher's turn to go to confession so he goes in with the priest.  Not 2 minutes later, he comes bounding out of the confessional and yells to me "Mom, I've gotta go to the bathroom really bad!"  Joy goes to take his place in the confessional and he's yelling at her "you have to wait until I get back from the bathroom!"  I motion for her to go anyway as he's not holding up the line until he uses the bathroom as there were a lot of people in line.  I'm trying to get him to hurry so that he can slip back in line before his sister comes out of the confessional, but he started messing around.  Finally get back in there and Joy is out already and so I had to ask one of the ladies if he could slip back into line to finish his confession.  Thankfully, she didn't mind at all!  How embarrassing!  I kept wondering "has this ever happened to anyone else before?"  Anyway, I'm just glad he was able to finish his confession and he's all set for his 1st communion next weekend!

We took a little ride last night and found a little park for the kids to go play at.  It was fun to sit on the swing bench with hubby and watch the kids run and play.  All I kept thinking was how far the kids have come.  When Joy came to us, at 3 years old, she wouldn't play on the playground equipment for anything.  She'd sit in the dirt and play.  She will play on everything now, although she still sits and plays in the dirt sometimes too.  She really doesn't like her feet leaving the ground for long, but oh how far she's come!  And Grace was running all over the place!  How far she's come since she came to us at 23 months and wouldn't ever leave my side!  She was the one that we worried about as she wouldn't explore her environment and now she's running and climbing all over the park!  Christopher has never had any issues as he loves to run, spin, and jump, but it was still fun to watch him as Daddy pushed him on the tire swing and he was spinning all over!  Catherine loves to be outside as well so she was just eating that all up!  We took them out for ice cream after that and had a great time!

A behavior blip and a flute,,,

I had to take Christopher to the doctor today to get his goose egg rechecked.  He got released to go back to P.E. and recess, but she didn't want him doing any climbing or dodge ball or anything like that where he had the potential to fall or get hit in the head and reinjure himself.  We proceeded after the appointment to go to Wal-mart.  He was being really good, until we got to the checkout line.  He wanted a huge sucker and since he just had one at the doctor's office, I said he couldn't have one.  He immediately started getting angry and making growling noises and heavy sighs.  He tried running off on me once and I got him and brought him back.  I was praying that he wasn't going to knock the candy rack over as he had that look in his eyes and I was praying that we'd get through the line super fast to avoid a scene.  A friend found us and I told her that he was mad as she tried to talk to him.  We had ran into her a couple of times that day around town.  We were in the express lane and she had more groceries than that, so she went in another lane to check out.  I made it through the checkout process and we went out to the car.  I had him by the hand as I didn't want him to run off on me and he kept yanking on me and almost pulled me over.  We got in the van and he proceeded to yell at me as loud as he could and chucked a booster seat at me.  He refused to get his seatbelt on, so I had to crawl back there and get him in.  Started driving home and he told me how I was the rudest mother ever and how Catherine gets anything that she wants.  I told him that is not true, but he already had a sucker for the day, he didn't need another one.  I don't like giving them a bunch of candy as it makes them extra hyper and they already have a lot of energy with their ADHD.  He proceeded to tell me that he hated being in this family and how I was rude.  He grabbed yet another booster seat and launched it my way.  I told him that's not a safe thing to do when we're driving down the road.  I told him when we got home he was going up to his room and that would get him away from the family and give him a chance to cool down.

After about 30 minutes of being in his room, I went up to talk to him.  I told him that none of my children get whatever they want and that I love him, but he can't always get everything that he wants when he wants it.  I asked him if rude moms took their birthday boys to Medieval Times for their birthdays, or brought them all over trying to get them help, and advocated for them at school or bent over backwards for their kids.  He shook his head no and said that he was just really mad.  I told him that I understood that and then we had a talk about acceptable things to do when we are angry that don't include throwing things at people (especially when driving) and stuff like that.  We gave hugs and we went downstairs to eat lunch.  The rest of the day went fine thankfully.

The girls came home after school and Grace had been on a field trip.  She came in with a wooden flute and proceeded to tell me that since she didn't bring any money and really wanted a flute another person's mom that was in her group, bought it for her.  Joy immediate said "don't you think that if you knew that you were going to the gift shop, you could have asked Mom for some of your allowance money to bring?"  I was glad that Joy realized that we don't need to ask others for things that we want.  I talked with Grace a little bit about how even if she didn't have the money and she wanted something that it was wrong of her to ask another parent for the money to buy it.  It's one thing if a parent offers to buy all the kids in her group something, but that should be a parents decision...I told her I thought it was rude of her to ask.  She's always had issues when it comes to strangers...she'd sit on their laps, ask them for things...tell them anything and everything.  We keep having to remind her that we don't do those things.  It drives me crazy!

A field trip funny...

Grace is getting ready for her field trip today.  They earn their shirts throughout the year and then each class is given their own color shirt and the whole school has the same design, just different colors.  Anyway, I thought hers was the red and so she puts it on and it's too long so we bunny tail it.  She hands me her folder to check and I notice there is a field trip reminder form in there saying "don't forget to wear your yellow shirt."  I said "oh, you're shirt is the yellow one."  She says "yeah, I know."  Umm, "sweetie look at what color shirt you have on."  She again says "yeah, I know."  At this point, she's still not really picking up on the fact that she's got the wrong shirt on.  I told her I must have put Christopher's shirt on her and we need to change her shirt and she says "oooohhhh!."  I'm just glad that I saw the note before she went to school...lol.

A difficult day with ADHD

I don't know if part of it is that Joy isn't on her full dose of ADHD meds right now or if school is just too much for her or if it's a combination of both, but wow is she mouthy, bossy, destructive, and anything I try and talk to her about I just get smirked at or giggled at.  Regardless, of what it is she doesn't like the consequences and is choosing to act out more which got her sent to bed a little early tonight.

She came home from school today and told me that she learned that kids in Virginia can get married at age 10.  I told her that nobody is ready for marriage at 10 years old and asked her what else she learned at school today.  She said that she didn't know.  She's doing awful in school and although she tries hard, she has definitely got a learning order of some sort.  She's been acting out a little more this year and we give her some grace there as we understand where it's coming from...she's totally overwhelmed with school and doesn't get it at all.  It's hard to see her struggle so hard and we give her As and Bs for her efforts as she does try hard most of the time.  However, I will not give grace for a child who is being disrespectful and so I had to give her consequences today.  I hate doing it.  Anyway, later at dinner she told Hubby all about how they learned about budgets today at school and said that she remembered us talking about our budget.  We were able to talk to her for a little bit before she totally lost her focus and moved the conversation elsewhere.

I asked her to help pick up tonight and every other second she was telling me she was done.  I'd look and there were still toys everywhere.  Half the time, she was walking on them and yet she was still telling me that she was done.  I tried to make it simpler for her and told her what to pick up first and where to put it, and then I'd catch her sitting there playing instead.  Then, she started with crazy questions where she was asking things that she could plainly see the answers too.  I told her that I wasn't playing that game when she knew the answer, but if she had a real question that I'd be glad to answer her.  She'd ask the silly question and then laugh and all she was trying to do was pull me into it and I wasn't budging.  After awhile, thankfully she realized that she wasn't going to get me to answer the silly questions but that I still expected her to do her chores and she finally finished up the chore and quit asking crazy questions.  She'd look up from time to time to make sure that I was still sitting there to watch her.

I'm taking another adoptive parent's challenge for the month of May and we started doing meditations tonight with the help of youtube and singing positive songs and so forth.  She got smirky and wanted to distract the other kids.  I had to keep redirecting her back to being quiet so as not to disturb the others.  I'm trying everything that I can or that I come across to try and help them build self-confidence, work on focus, control temper tantrums, deal with anger and anxiety, and work on better focus and concentration...I let her smirkiness get to me and it hurt.  I just want to help them.  I'm not giving up...we are going to do this and give it more time.  I just need to pray about it and let go of my frustration.  Joy needs prayer to get through the remainder of school.  And I am hoping that tomorrow when she gets back on the right dosage of ADHD meds that it will be a better day.

Life is never boring around here.

I can't say that life is ever boring around here, that's for sure.  Catherine tends to get hyper and naughty when she is tired, however she doesn't take naps much anymore.  The above picture is her playing nicely before we left for Bible Study this morning.  We came home this afternoon and she decided to put yogurt all over the dog!  Little stinker that she is.  I had to turn my head and hide my laughter.  I wiped the dog off with a baby wipe and got her semi-cleaned off.  I guess she will be getting a full bath later.